Monday, 30 June 2008

Thoughts on a random video clip

Hi Guys,

Its been a while since my last post and I'm sure you've all given me up for dead by now! Still, I'm sure many of you will understand when I observe how much of one's free time suddenly disappears with the arrival of a child! I'll say now only that my son is a delight and that the time away from you has been well spent - I'm enjoying every moment with him :-)

Happily, I still get the odd moment free (usually, like now, late at night) when I can turn my mind to other things and I find that the subject of spanking still has some fascination for me :-) Well, how could it be otherwise? I've either been thinking about it and, in more recent years doing it, for two thirds of my life.

The other night I pointed my news client to ABPES for the first time in ages... ...and 77000 article headers appeared! God, there is a lot of rubbish posted on that group. Still, after filtering the dross out, I found that someone had posted an old video clip entitled"Jennifer Brookes Spanked and Whipped".

It passed the time for half an hour, the addict's quick fix but nothing more. Its very much a film of its time: show a pretty girl getting spanked and the rest is fairly immaterial.

In this video, Jennifer Brooks is certainly easy on the eye, both otk and tied up for the whip later on - but that's where the attraction both starts and ends as the rest of the video is absurd.

Who, for example, has a fantasy of spanking or being spanked in a huge,empty, whitewashed room? I hear music - Queen, I think - in the video clip. How many of us think about music and spanking at the same time?If its spanking-as-foreplay then why the music? If its music that does it for you, then why the spanking? Surely each is diminished by the other? If its spanking-as-punishment, then why would you put a record on first?

Which is it in this video anyway? Neither participant appears to be getting turned on by the proceedings and if its a punishment, then she's been let off lightly. Its not even as if they appear to be good friends having a laugh - no jokes, no smart comments, minimal conversation. He just gets on with it and, hilariously, ends up posing next to her like some angler getting his photo taken with a prize catch!

And what was that whip he was using? They said it was an "Australian dog whip"? Didn't seem to be having much effect. If you need a whip to control a dog, then it must be some mean dog. Yet, on this evidence, the next time I meet an Australian dog I'll just stick with a firm look and the command to "Sit!".

No doubt this film sold back in the day, simply because, back then, showing any kind of spanking guaranteed success - but you couldn't make a film like that these days, it just wouldn't sell!

Sunday, 13 January 2008

Mooning and passwords

Unfortunately, as my wife has recently given birth, there no spanking fun going on here at the moment :(

Instead, let me relate a minor anecdote from when we first started playing around with spankings. We met on the Internet and, as my wife isn't English nor tech-savvy, she didn't understand everything to do with English customs, culture, expression or the meanings of smileys in emails!

One day, after a particularly suggestive exchange of emails, she sent me one containing a "mooning smiley",symbolising - so she thought - a willingness to take down her jeans for a spanking. Nice thought indeed,but she wasn't too impressed when I explained, laughing, the usual use of mooning!

Has anyone else experienced some kind of spanking-related mix up in communicating with others?

Whilst I'm on the subject of tech stuff, come on, confess: who has used a spanking related word or acronyms they computer password? I know I have ;)

Tuesday, 1 January 2008

Happy new year

Hi Guys,

Just a quick message to wish you all a very happy spanking new year ;)

Some of you have noticed that I've been a bit slow of late in creating posts. Well, apologies to you all for that but, happily, I have a very good excuse.

You see, this year I had the best Christmas present ever when my wife gave birth to our first child :)))

I may be somewhat "distracted" from now on, so please understand if I continue to be slow to post!

Friday, 21 December 2007

Spanking Christmas carols....

First let me apologise for the woeful lack of attention I've been paying to this blog of late. Its not due to a lack of ideas or anecdotes, its simply that I've been "distracted" of late - those of you who write to me know what I've talking about. The rest of you will have to check back later if you want the news ;)

Ok, so what the subject of this post then? Well, why not Christmas? I'm quite into Christmas you know. Love all the decorations, the food, the films, the carols, etc.

How to combine Christmas and spanking? Well, simply re-word some of the carols of course!

No doubt this has been tried before - and by far better poets than me - but what the hell, here's my festive offering: the first few lines of several carols rewritten. Feel free to comment to offer alternatives!

On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me... a spanking over his knee
On the 2nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me... two paddle swats and
On the 3rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me... three cane strokes,
...

Once on dom David's settee
sat the man and his sub.
She was nervous but he helped her
join the bare bottom spanking club
....

Deck the halls with bells and holly
lalalalalala
Tis the season to spank Molly
lalalalalalala
...

Good king Wenceslas last spanked Ann
on the feast of Stephen
when she lay across his lap,
red and sore and weapin'
...

Argh! The naughty bottoms sings
glory to the new cane's sting
...

And as for the lyrics to "Santa Claus is coming to town", well, they're perfect already!

Merry (spanking) Christmas to all!

Sunday, 2 December 2007

Doing the numbers

Have you spanko's ever had the feeling that you're alone in your feelings or the only one with this kink? If so, then I have good new: a simple exercise in maths is all it takes to end this loneliness!

There's about 6 billion people in the world. In the west, the ratio of men to women is about 48% to 52%, which takes account of wars and other deadly male activities like racing cars, fights in pubs, Sunday league football heart-attacks, etc. In the east, the ratio is reversed due to people's preference for male children. So, lets average everything and call it 50:50 - 3 billion men and 3 billion women.

Of those 3 billion men / women, about 40% will be children and another 10% elderly. So that's 1.5 billion each of men and women left or, to put it another way,1.5 billion couples. Lets assume that 10% of both men and women are spankos, so the number of spanko couples (where both people are spankos) could be 10% * 10% * 1.5 billion = 15 million.

Lets make some more assumptions. First that each of these spanko couples has one spanking per week, that it lasts for 10 minutes and that these couples are evenly distributed around the world (meaning that their 10 minute spanking can happen at anytime of day or night).

So, 1 spanking per week for 10 minutes for 15 million couples works out like this: 1/7 (days) * 10/1440 (minutes) * 15,000,000 (couples) = 14,880 spankings per minute.

So, that means that, for any given minute - day or night - there are about 14,800 spankings in progress, world wide.

Are we still feeling alone?

(Ok, the assumptions may be well out, but its nice to play with the numbers and see what happens! That the kind of thing geeks like me do when they discover they're spankos!)

Wednesday, 24 October 2007

Doctor Who is a spanko

Doctor Who is a spanko. WHAT?!? No, don't get excited now; I'm not making any claims about the sexual preferences of the excellent David Tennant or any of his predecessors in the role. I'm just saying that I reckon the character of Doctor Who is probably a spanko.

Actually, DO get excited, if you feel like it! Its a spanking blog after all so, by definition, mutual excitement is what its all about! Maybe the subs out there might like to leave a comment as to which of Doctors they'd like to have their bottoms warmed by...

What am I blithering about? Well, for the non-Brits out there, "Doctor Who" is an iconic long-running science fiction series about a time traveller. Incidentally, The New Scientist magazine recently tried to prove the existence of time travellers by inviting them all to a party in the past. As nobody was known to have attended, the magazine concluded that time travellers didn't exist. But I digress.

Actually, no I don't. Its exactly on topic and New Scientist was wrong! Doctor Who is a spanko and wasn't at their party simply because he was elsewhere.

So where was Doctor Who, if not at the party? Why do I reckon he is a spanko and what proof do I have to back up this wild theory?

Well, exhibit one is Rose (Billie Piper) and if she's not a good reason to be a spanko then I'm a Dalek. At the risk of showing my age, I'd say that Ace (Sophie Aldred) was also a good reason.

But there are many more important reasons for a time traveller to be a spanko! Lets see if I can convince you of some of them...

First spankings are best reason. Judging by the number of stories out there on the web dedicated to (and sometimes titled) "Her first spanking", it would seem that one's first spanking is on a par with losing one's virginity. Now, imagine your "first spanking" at the hands of Doctor Who: he turns up out of the blue, gives you your first spanking and then turns up sometime earlier to give you your first spanking and then... ...get the idea? If you want that "fist spanking" feeling again (or before!), then knowing a time traveller is the way to get it :)))

Its a out of body experience and better than a DVD at the same time: you have your spanking and can then go back in time to witness it - from any angle.

Or you can go back in time to witness someone else's spanking(s). Take a tour of the famous spankings in history. Spank or be spanked by famous historical characters. The possibilities are endless. Any votes for favourite historical characters to spank / be spanked by?

How about taking advantage of the boom in spanking magazines, movies and Internet by going back in time to witness the making of any video or photo shoot?

One for the subs here: go back in time and spank yourself. Could it get any better than that? You'd know exactly what you want / need / deserve and exactly what hits the spot (ahem!). You already completely trust yourself and you can do whatever you want because, after all, you're not hurting anyone else! Go on, step back in time and give yourself some sound spankings for all those times you did something naughty and got away with it!

So where was Doctor Who then? Well, your guess is as good as mine, but if I were a time traveller and had the choice of doing some of the above or swapping physics jokes at the New Scientist party, then I guess I'd be stepping back in time to give Rose her first spanking. Again.

Tuesday, 23 October 2007

Spanking in a shared house

I guess many of you spankos out there are having to deal with the problem of getting your spanking fix whilst sharing a house with vanilla family (kids usually) or flatmates, etc.

And its not just thin walls to the vanilla in next room you need to worry about: If you live in a flat or in a terraced house (of which we have many here in England!) then you've got to worry about the neighbours too!

We don't have any kids yet, but we did live in a shared, terraced house not so long ago and I can tell you, spankings were difficult to organise!

Still, the situation was not a complete loss as the possibility of random discovery can add to the mental edge of a spanking :) To get that edge, I used to insist that spankings take place in the living room rather than the bedroom - the housemate could come home at any moment, but they'd be just enough time for us to leap up and pretend nothing was happening. Fun, if that's your thing ;)

Even more risky were those moments when we couldn't wait for the housemate to go out. On several occasions we even sneaked down to the living room in the middle of the night for a spanking!

Did the housemate ever hear us? I don't know. Did the neighbours ever hear us? I don't think so, but you can never be sure.

I wonder how many spankos out there have been heard or discovered by their relatives, friends, neighbours, flatmates or just by passers-by? And how many have had a close-shave and managed to get away with it? It'd be interesting to read your stories, so leave a comment!